I know this feeling well. The one that bids me to drop it all and step into the unknown. The beginnings of restlessness. When it starts I always struggle with knowing if its God pushing me or my inner desires tugging me away from exactly where I'm supposed to be. I'm still in that struggle but I have to say its one that I enjoy (most of the time), because with every situation I learn more about my Father and I learn more about the way He is moving in my life.


Waiting. I am not a naturally patient person, I want what I want when I want it. Naturally I can't see the big picture, I guess I see what I want to see. It's crazy to look back on my life and see where the Lord has taken me, none of this was in my plan. My plan was to graduate from college and immediately start a grad program. Since my sophomore year in college I had my grad thesis planned out (honestly I don't remember half the details anymore, I guess it wasn't as important as I thought) and I was going to have my PHD before I turned 30. I would have my own practice and teach classes at a prestigious college somewhere, and at some point after 30 get married. That was my ideal. That was important to me. I still love school and learning, but its importance in my life has diminished. I now see that isn't the life God had intended for me. I don't see anything in that life that resembles who God has created me to be. And even though I'm in a place of waiting I'm so glad that I decided to take a step of faith and go on an adventure, the adventure of going to depths with the Lord and discovering the great mysteries and the great love that he has for me.

This time of waiting hasn't been easy. I can't count the times I've been tempted to hop on a plane and join up with the nearest ministry. The only thing that holds me here in this ordinary obedience is faith in a loving Heavenly Father. Faith that God honors obedience and patience with good things, the best things, His best for me. Obedience and patience in the day to day hurts. The growing done here in the dark moments of denial, refusal and realization of who I am at the core is unpleasant. Oh but the end result is the most beautiful, and that promise is what I cling to at the end of the day.

God's promises are good, always. He never forgets what he has spoken into our lives, what he has promised. He doesn't forget how he has created us, he doesn't forget the desires he placed in our hearts. He just wants to be with us, he just wants to perfect so that we can enjoy his creation that much more. In His way, and in His time He will make good on those promises. Just don't be surprised when they look different than you expected. I mean you do remember the story of Jesus' coming right?

Be Patient. Wait.

"God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Philippians 1:6