Seasons...the word doesn't seem like it translates into real life. I know that our life is constantly changing like seasons, but really what this life is, is a constant molding process.

Have you ever felt like you are actually going backwards? Like the very ground underneath you is being pulled out, crumbling beneath you? Do ever have moments when you look in the mirror and wonder who the person is that stares back at you? Not because your outward appearance has morphed, but that your inward man is going through so much change its hard to keep up?

I get you, I'm there. Here is where the word season doesn't actually fit into whats happening in these times. Season in this moment of deep refinement that includes deep searing wounds that are painful is an insult to what God is up to in my life. This isn't about a "season" this is about a process, its not buying into a "season of time" but rather a life long process. It's not about learning something and moving into the next unit or season. Life isn't a video game of levels passed and dangers over-come and put away. No life looks different, and the process when going well looks like the biggest mess, the biggest failure to us. How strange is that? When its going the way its supposed to, it often doesn't feel like it is!

I have believed the lie these past few months that I am a big fat failure. That I am not good enough. That I'm not doing enough for the kingdom. That I am a fake, a fraud. That I'm the worst _______ .

Here's why: God spent the last year, the World Race building my identity as a daughter. Growing me in walking in that identity, operating out of that identity, thinking and loving out of that identity. Now I'm looking in the mirror asking who is that? I get offended when someone doesn't see that value, when I'm rejected. HOW CAN THIS BE?? I already know who I am, we spent a year stripping off labels, and identities. I am a Daughter! I am a princess! Why am I struggling with these lies?? Why can't I just be already who I am?? 

My conclusion: I have failed at understanding my sonship. I don't really know who I am. I'm a failure. I'm obviously not as close to Jesus as I thought. I obviously didn't get the lesson the first time, what a waste of a year. Repeat last season....

Hold the phone...wait...who is that? Where is that coming from?? hmmm...that doesn't sound like my Daddy.

Some food for thought...Immediately following his baptism, after heaven opening and the Father saying "This is my Son, whom I love, with him I am well pleased." What was the first thing the devil attacked in Jesus in the desert?? His identity. (Matthew 4:1-4)


  • "Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil." Ok, whoa...the Spirit led him into a place knowing he would be tempted there. The Spirit was allowing the attack... 
  • "After fasting forty days and forty nights he was hungry" Jesus would have been weak at this point, the Spirit actually let him be vulnerable and weak, open to attack. In a sense the Spirit left him out to dry in our eyes. We would think what a cruel exercise! How can that be loving? 
  • "The tempter came to him and said 'If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread' Jesus answered 'It is written: "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God'" When his identity was attacked even though he hadn't eaten and was weak Jesus battled it with truth the tempter could not combat. Truth always conquers. 
Maybe, just maybe we could conclude that this is what our life in the Spirit looks like? That its actually those that are intimately acquainted with who they are in the Father, those that have heard the Father's voice over their lives speak their identities as sons and daughters that are attacked the most in their identities?

Maybe instead of it being a season of learning and walking its a process that is tested and tried over and over no matter how old we are, or how long we have known the Father? What if its actually the Love of a Father that drives us into circumstances where our identities are challenged? What if those weak times, those times of desperation, those desert circumstances were orchestrated because of the things his has already spoken and worked in us, that he needs to set as steel in our hearts? What if the moments when we felt the most distant from the Lord, those moments when we felt dry, we were actually closest to him, that we were actually delighting his heart most?

There is no shame in the process, in the confusion, in the WEAKNESS. NO SHAME! It is a beautiful thing to feel weak, to be weak, to struggle! STRUGGLE IS OK! haha! It is! God LOVES struggle, he's ok with MESS!

I hear the Father speaking to Jesus and the Holy Spirit over me tonight. And you know what? FAILURE is NEVER mentioned. MESS UP is not a phrase even alluded to. NOT GOOD ENOUGH is not associated with my name. NOT DOING ENOUGH for the kingdom is never brought up!

They say, "There is our little princess, isn't she incredible? She is perfect, exactly what I want her to be today. How is she doing? Ohhh I am SO proud of her, she is rooted in truth, in the things we've taught her. You know something else? She looks like me, and she sounds like me more and more. I overheard her the other day saying something to herself that I say to her all the time. She hears me, she knows my voice, she understands. She is my baby girl and I'm so delighted in her. She's so cute, she doesn't always believe she's pleasing me, or that she is doing good enough, but oh that girl, she is my FAVORITE! Oh she brings so much pleasure to my heart. This time of testing has been hard for her, harder than I intended, but she doesn't have to worry, because I'm not worried. I believe in her, she will be just fine, she'll get through it just fine. I know her. I trust her COMPLETELY. Oh how I love this one. Oh I wish she knew just how much I love and delight in her! She is beautiful just as she is."

You know what? They are speaking that over you tonight too. If we only knew how the God of the Universe loves us and is moved by us. Oh if we only knew the fullness of his affections!