As I celebrate my 25th year of being in this world my one desire is that this next year be wholly and completely dedicated to the purposes of the Lord. I know that I just referenced a song in my last blog, but my life is heavily influenced by music so I'm sorry, but I guess you'll just have to bear with me:).

I have frequently thought about and prayed the song "I want it all" by Shane and Shane, but today God revealed a new thing to me that I would like to share with you all. In case you don't know the first part of the song goes like this:

Use me, break me, waste me on You, Lord
Ruin me, take me, waste me on You
For to die is to live...

To starve is to feast
And less of me is more of Jesus
Lord, I want it all
Lord, I want it all
If i lose my life
I gain everything
And at the cross
Away with all death's sting
Lord, I want it all
Lord, I want it all

In Philippians 1:21 It says: For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Today it struck me as I was listening to this song that this death that is talked about is not only physical death, but also death to my dreams and aspirations. In Western culture we are told that we have rights to personal happiness and comfort in our lives. I realized that up until now I wanted a relationship with Jesus on my terms and that meant having the life I desired: getting married, having a pleasant, enjoyable job, having kids, a nice house, spreading the love of God in the way I wanted, to retire comfortably, and enjoy my grandchildren, and die a peaceful death at the end of my life. (I would like to say here that I believe that God does call some people and blesses them with this type of life)

Now I realize that God calls us to give up everything including our lives to follow him. Of course I've heard this before, but I still clung to the idea that surely when God told Abraham in Genesis 12:1 "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you", and when Jesus told his disciples to leave everything to follow him; he didn't mean that I needed to literally leave/give up everything to follow him. Today I realized that yes he did mean me too, he wants every aspect of our lives to use for his glory. Today I say, if that means remaining single, going to a far off village where life is everything but convenient, not having contact with my family, not being able to retire in comfort, giving him my youth for his purposes instead of mine, releasing all other dreams and struggling financially for the rest of my life for the sake of His glory then I say "Praise the Lord!". Today I choose to die to myself and my human desires, because as Jesus says in Mark 10: 29-31: I tell you the truth, Jesus replied, no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel 30will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. 31But many who are first will be last, and the last first.

God has so much to give to us, no it's not always the same success this world recognizes, but it is so much greater than that. He offers peace, joy, love and the best thing ever a personal relationship with Him that includes eternal life with Him. We will never experience these gifts while we chase after the things of the flesh, because God isn't concerned with what we can acquire, but instead He is concerned with our hearts. Where is your heart? As for me my heart is spoken for, Jesus is Lord of my life, I am his child and as a child of God I submit to his plans and his authority. His covering is the best place we can be.

Lord, I pray that as I start a new year of my life that I continue to remember that this world is not my home, and I need to live as such. I commit this year into your hands and will chase after your heart instead of my own.